Wednesday, August 05, 2009


It occurred to me recently there's only a very small part of a man's life where he is not thinking about boobs. This period begins shortly after he is weaned, and ceases at puberty. Outside of this short window, it's a mental titfest. Obviously they - chest pillows, that is - are not always the foremost thought, otherwise chaos would ensue. Pilots would crash planes all the time, enraptured by the memory of a particularly arresting pair of sin cushions. But scrumptious mammaries and suffocating gazongas are still always there in the background. Even in a fighter pilot's brain during a dogfight, for example, there's a small part occupied with 'I like how they wobble' or 'I wonder which one is bigger?'

This brief time free from nork tyranny needs a name. Better suggestions on a postcard, please. In the meantime, here's a Venn diagram explaining it. It considers only the first 21 years for reasons of symmetry.


Jason B. Standing said...

Sin cushions?!

I'd heard funbags, choozies, top bollocks, yams, breasticles, shirt potatos, chest puppies, jubblies, tatas, baps, thrupneys, but that's a new one.

I'm not convinced about the Venn diagram still, although I don't suppose they typically come with a time axis, so you're off the hook THIS TIME.

neonwombat said...

Top bollocks? That's replete with wrongness :-)

Regarding the diagram, there's no time axis - in fact, Venn diagrams don't have axes at all. They represent groups of sets. In this case each set is 'time spent thinking about a thing'. It's not the clearest of concepts, I admit, but hell, it looks like boobs.

Jason B. Standing said...

Top Bollocks is a Mick Molloy-ism.

Yeah, I suppose I was confused by spiderman being on the right hand side of the diagram.

Badoopy doo do do do doo...