Wednesday, August 05, 2009

BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS

It occurred to me recently there's only a very small part of a man's life where he is not thinking about boobs. This period begins shortly after he is weaned, and ceases at puberty. Outside of this short window, it's a mental titfest. Obviously they - chest pillows, that is - are not always the foremost thought, otherwise chaos would ensue. Pilots would crash planes all the time, enraptured by the memory of a particularly arresting pair of sin cushions. But scrumptious mammaries and suffocating gazongas are still always there in the background. Even in a fighter pilot's brain during a dogfight, for example, there's a small part occupied with 'I like how they wobble' or 'I wonder which one is bigger?'

This brief time free from nork tyranny needs a name. Better suggestions on a postcard, please. In the meantime, here's a Venn diagram explaining it. It considers only the first 21 years for reasons of symmetry.

3 comments:

Jason B. Standing said...

Sin cushions?!

I'd heard funbags, choozies, top bollocks, yams, breasticles, shirt potatos, chest puppies, jubblies, tatas, baps, thrupneys, but that's a new one.

I'm not convinced about the Venn diagram still, although I don't suppose they typically come with a time axis, so you're off the hook THIS TIME.

Paul said...

Top bollocks? That's replete with wrongness :-)

Regarding the diagram, there's no time axis - in fact, Venn diagrams don't have axes at all. They represent groups of sets. In this case each set is 'time spent thinking about a thing'. It's not the clearest of concepts, I admit, but hell, it looks like boobs.

Jason B. Standing said...

Top Bollocks is a Mick Molloy-ism.

Yeah, I suppose I was confused by spiderman being on the right hand side of the diagram.

Badoopy doo do do do doo...